I Will Remember You

"Sometimes love is for a moment. 

Sometimes love is for a lifetime. 

Sometimes a moment is a lifetime."

The baby that we lost would have been a year old in July. 

I am 98% sure that the baby would have arrived much earlier than the suggested date, but the 18th of July will forever remain a  bittersweet day for me. I made sure to occupy myself to no end when the day finally arrived. I was determined to stay busy and only allow myself to think of the significance when I was alone (which is never). 
It worked out...kinda. 

Ok, not at all, but at least I made the effort.

We wanted to do something to commemorate the occasion. I wanted something memorable...something lasting...something beautiful. So, we planted a tree. 

We chose a Live Oak. The name "Live Oak" comes from the fact that evergreen oaks 

remain green and "live" throughout winter, when other oaks are dormant, leafless and "dead"-looking. A live oak can live 200 years or more.The Live Oak is also an unusually sturdy tree, with the hardest and most dense wood of any oak species. They were born and bred for hurricanes and might be the only trees left standing after a storm has blown through. . All of the above reasons are not just practical for us, but oh so very symbolic: 

long life, strength and storm ready. 

Obviously, a perfect choice.

J planted the tree on a BLAZING Saturday afternoon. It sits in the middle of our front yard and is very loved. My hope is that as it grows it will shade Emery's room wonderfully and cause passer-bys to comment on it's beauty. No, I don't need a tangible reminder of my baby. I think of my 2nd child numerous times a day. I hear a song lyric, read a phrase, see a picture and it happens. It still hurts, but I believe it always will. A life may last for just a moment 

but memory can make that moment last forever. 

At least now I have left an imprint on the world 
in memory of a child who never got to see it. 

Glory baby you slipped away as fast as we could say baby…baby..
You were growing, what happened dear?
You disappeared on us baby…baby..
Heaven will hold you before we do
Heaven will keep you safe until we’re home with you…
Until we’re home with you…
Miss you everyday
Miss you in every way
But we know there’s a
day when we will hold you
We will hold you
You’ll kiss our tears away
When we’re home to stay
Can’t wait for the day when we will see you
We will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you
‘till mom and dad can hold you…
You’ll just have heaven before we do
You’ll just have heaven before we do
Sweet little babies, it’s hard to
understand it ‘cause we’re hurting
We are hurting
But there is healing
And we know we’re stronger people through the growing
And in knowing-
That all things work together for our good
And God works His purposes just like He said He would…
Just like He said He would…
I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabies
and what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home
And it’s all you’ll ever know…all you’ll ever know…
(Glory Baby by Watermark)

July 2011 

1 year