Good Enough

"To the outside world we all grow old.  But not to brothers and sisters.  We know each other as we always were.  We know each other's hearts.  We share private family jokes.  We remember family feuds and secrets, family griefs and joys.  
We live outside the touch of time."  ~Clara Ortega

I have 2 little brothers who aren't so little anymore. My youngest brother, Sage, is one-of-a-kind. He came into this world when I was 11 years old. I remember my mom telling me in the front seat of our Astro van that she was going to have a baby and I was a little shocked. It had just been me and my brother, Josh, forever...now a new sibling? My mom had been praying for another baby for awhile. Back then, they only did sonograms if they thought there could be a problem, so we didn't know if it was a boy or a girl. My dad took us to Lake Waco one evening to tell us that God had given him a name for the baby. Mom was automatically skeptical because that's my mom's automatic response to everything. Plus, my dad had wanted to name me Darcy and my brother Jeep, so she had good reason to be a little leery. :) When Dad said "Eric Sage", we knew it was the name. My dad's first name is Eric and he had never wanted to use it despite my mom's recurring interest. Sage means "wise" and Dad said we would call him Sage. When he arrived, we held him alot and enjoyed having a new baby in the house. He had red hair and grey house slippers he wore everyday. He would entertain himself for hours with his imagination and he never got in trouble.

Like I said, my little brother isn't little anymore. He is 19, soon to be 20. He works full-time and goes to college full-time. He has no idea what he wants to do with his life. And guess what? I know exactly how that feels. When I was 19 going on 20 I was a complete mess. I was making decisions that I had no business making. I was a lier, a fake and a downright selfish human being. I worked full-time and went to school full-time. I showed up for church with an attitude and I hung out with people who didn't exactly lift me up. I told people what they wanted to hear and I told myself that I wasn't really doing anything "that bad". My parents had numerous discussions with me and I pretended to listen. Other, well-meaning adults tried to make me see the light, but it didn't matter. I had had enough; enough of being the good one, enough of being a preacher's kid, enough of following the rules, enough of opening myself up to people only to be disappointed and rejected, enough of feeling...feeling 
not. good. enough. 

I love my littlest brother. That's why I am writing this. I want him to know that he is good enough. He is smart and funny and can make a mean pizza. He is talented and witty and creative. He doesn't have to find himself sitting in a Steak n' Shake like I did...with an old friend...finally realizing, through their stinging words, that he really isn't o.k. He doesn't have to occupy his mind with ways to escape feeling. He doesn't have to waste precious time searching. He doesn't have to give in to the lie that he isn't good enough. He is more than good enough...he is amazing. Amazing because he puts up with all of us. Amazing because he hasn't quit his thankless job or quit school even though it's super hard. Amazing because God brought him to us. Amazing just because he's my brother. 

A brother who looks out for me and would do anything for me. For anyone.

So, littlest brother, I may fight with you, advise you and question you, but I love you. Like with all my siblings, I'm sure at one time or another I have hurt your heart and for that I am truly sorry. I believe in you and feel proud when good things happen for you. I can't wait to see what God does in you and through you. And if you ever doubt any of it, just read this. And if you still doubt it, come over and we'll talk...and eat pizza. :)